face drop.

so i love how i'm writing this amidst 17 people printing papers. they must think i'm uber lame for blogging. but who doesn't?

ok i just had to share my dream last night:

it was about Anthony Burgess ( he wrote a clockwork orange). not like i've ever seen him in real life but it was him as a teenager. and he was sort of in the position of Nicholas II (having his entire family get assassinated by taking them into a house and shooting them) except somehow his entire family survived the shooting. and Anthony had to run away because some regime was trying to catch him. so his family was all ready to leave and they somehow managed to shove all of their belongings into a really small car. and at the last minute, Anthony said that he wasn't going to go and the rest of his family should still go into hiding. then someone showed up with a smaller blue car and Anthony's parents and sister left. Then I'm not sure if it was Anthony or a girl, but they were staying in a mall for awhile. and then there was some time when Anthony was living in the woods and then the people trying to kill him found him and was chasing him through a neighborhood and, being spiderman, anthony was able to climb trees with ease and get away from them. but of course i woke up before anything happened. idk why that was exciting. but nichoals II was in my dream.

i'm also obsessed with this song "backstabber" by kesha. you should download it.

sun is in the sky.

ok idk why i'm a bloggin machine lately but here it goes:

i really wish that i could just write a letter to certain people just to tell them how amazing they are. i'm not sure if you've ever felt like this before, but it's how i feel now. like to someone who doesn't get enough credit. that probably makes me sound creepy. but sometimes people do good things because they want to get closer to god, or because they want other people to like them or so they can put it on their resume. but then some people are the shit. they can handle everything and they're good at everything. they might not have the best personality but that doesn't even matter.
we just had the class caucus so i'm still on that rampage.

i have a wish. and i can't really say what it is for my protection but it involves being alone. why am i so a.s it's beyond me. ok what i want isn't even a.s. it's just sorta like some breathing room from your creepiness.
and i need to stop making shit up in my mind where i'm torn between two non-existent things.
my friend was over yesterday and i was sitting on my computer and she walked in and goes "did you say something" and i was like "no" and my music wasn't on or anything so we came to the conclusion that i was talking to myself. this worries me. but still i'm sane. and sometimes i think that i'm the sanest person i know.

but yeah. i just wanted to express my fondness for someone who will never read this blog.
and i think it's funny how i always like the outcasts. like i never root for the underdog or the hero. i just want the random ass person who gets no credit to have some glory. all of those stories are so overrated. which brings back my love for mr. caulfield.

and i'm also happy for no reason. well a slight reason. or four or five but nothing so exciting that i'd be in a good mood. scratch that. i'm not in a good mood and i'm not surprisingly happy i just am ________. idk if there's a word to describe it. maybe if i put a little more effort into vocabulary than i do complaining about how Sudan isn't a part of Sub-Sahara Africa and how we shouldn't have to know it for the test, then i'd be better off.
i would be.

i think about that summer and i bug cause i miss it.

so last night i was all "i have to get up at 6, work til 12, have class from 140-9 and then have chapter caucus that'll take at least three hours. i hate my life"
but as of now, i'm over it.
i just have to keep thinking about all of the other people that have so much more to do. i mean, at least today i get two hours of free time. even though it will be spent studying.
and hopefully i'll be able to student teach.
i got all of my clearances in. i keep telling myself i'm not going to procrastinate to the point where i'm screwed. but i know that's not the case.
oh well.

to laura:

i think this is john taylor! that's what it said at least.
now all we need to do is find ben mayer.
oh and manny santos got her lip pierced.

the only boy who ever gave me the time was the one who only wanted 5 minutes of mine.

i just need some music to listen to because nothing is helping me. it's hot as Memphis in my room but apparently cold in every other room.
i really hate looking up works of art. i mean the stories behind them are nice but the only piece of artwork i've ever thought was "amazing" was the birth of venus by Botticelli. everything else is just boring as hell and i don't understand why Michelangelo is so amazing. someone please tell me.
i was in a very good mood yesterday but that quickly fizzled out when i realized that
a. i was supposed to work today but i missed it. oops.
b. facebook is a bitch
c. i have a test tomorrow
d. i have a test on tuesday
e. i have to go to mass tonight for aphi.

so basically, you know.
everyone is annoying me right now. i'd like to just crawl into a hole. i'm hungry but not hungry.
when will this year be over?
i still haven't gotten my clearances or my loan so this is me not graduating this year.
i don't even have fun stories except that certain people make me really happy then depress me. excuse the holden-ness.
rupert grint was alex from a clockwork orange for halloween. we're mfeo. cause that's what i was going to be but it didn't work out and i felt no need to try to put a costume together when it wasn't going to be the best halloween ever.

don't you hate when you have no idea what you did to someone, but for some reason you drift apart? i just want everyone i ever had to be back in my life and never leave. let's not change, and you'll always love me, ok?
and i don't want to be stalked or creeped on. so stop. unless i love you, then it's fine. hahah. but that's only one person. gahhh. sorry about this. i'm so tired and i haven't slept a good nights sleep in foreverrrrr.
today was nice, until i realized it wasn't.
that was like a poem cause i already said it.

so now i'm just listening to fall out boy because they're the only people that make me really happy when school gets me annoyed.

i can smell your breath and it smells like money.

i keep meaning to write all of this stuff down i just literally don't have the time.
i'll tell the two people that haven't heard this story yet:
so i wrote a paper yesterday on one of the laptops in the library. i saved it to my email. i got home. i opened it. apparently the file was corrupted. so i worked my little Word magic. nothing happened. so i tried to open it on marissa's computer cause she has 07. no luck. so i frantically asked everyone i know for help. nothing worked. like i creeped people i've talked to once or haven't talked to in months. i was desperate as hell. so this kid i know that works at the library told me that they would go through all of the laptops in the morning. so i go to the library and tell them my situation. dyke bitch goes "we have 30 laptops" so i was like "ok, i really need to find this paper" and she goes "we can't let you becuase that would take too long and there are already like ten laptops checked out" i'm like "bitch, it's 8:30 in the morning. the library opened an hour ago there are not ten laptops checked out and i think that would be faster than rewriting a whole paper" so i almost cried in the middle of the library and just ran back to my car and rewrote the bitch.
it sounds so much less dramatic than it was.

i'm back in my i-don't-want-to-do-anything mood. i don't want to go out on halloween. i don't want to drink. i don't want to do homework. i'm over the whole i want to take a year off thing. i prob still will. but i want to be a counselor. i'm just going to schedule students and make them hate their lives. i'm pretty good at that.
apparently watching the history channel is a "guy thing".
am i male?
today in class jeff asked if i cut my hair. i said no.
then he goes "vardy got a haircut"
i didn't notice. i must be a man.
i'm starting to think that anything i'll ever want is unattainable.
i want to watch t.v but i can't get off the dang computer.

was it you who spoke the words

so the other day i realized it was possible to chronicle my life by ipods i've had.
original ipod(opod) = creepy obsession
ipod shuffle (mgshuff) legit obsession (yet also creepy)
120g ipod (nicknameless) = obsession with finding an obsession (creepy still)


i think that you know you've grown up when you're happy for the people that have hurt you in the past.

i also think jeans with white sneakers, socks with flats and picking your nose in public should be banned.

my misery is so addictive.

so two things i am forcing you to do right now:
go to www.myspace.com/teganandsara and listen to

• northshore
• alligator &
• on directing.

like right now. even if you didn't like tegan and sara before...you'll love them.
i just can't get over this new cd.

and number 2:
read things fall apart
i read it last spring and it was so amazing and i'm just now appreciating it.


do that.

we were both 18 and it felt so right.

so i drove past this tree and i was like "ok, my life is complete"
someone should call me cause i feel like listening.
the dog next door won't stop barking.
i wish some things would just go away.
i wish i could have a test-free week.
and i also wish i had some mint chocolate chip ice cream. the green kind. i've been craving it for a while now but the geagle closes at 11 and i was at the lib until 11:30 so i missed it.
i'm tired and i need to find new jeans. i bought a new coat online yesterday so i'll put a picture of it up when it comes in.