Tuesday, November 11, 2008

i'll cut out my lovers tongue and sing

So I'm having one of those days where I should feel defeated. But for some odd, odd reason I don't. I'm still kicking. Maybe its these pants. They're Laurens and despite the fact that they are too big and when I walk the spike part of my heel gets caught in the part that was folded up at the bottom, are really comfortable. I don't know if that makes sense, but in short, I keep tripping over these pants. Anyway, they're just really comfortable. I suppose Stacy and Clinton are right. That trousers can be more comfortable than sweatpants. I don't want to go that far. But these pants are hideous. They're grey with black stripes. Something I would pick out for Mock Trial or something. The kind with no pockets back and that came with some horribly ugly pants suit that women should never wear in the first place. Ok so I keep tripping.
I was walking out of class. And my lover decided to take the stairs for some reason this time too. So that was strangely awkward. Then for some self-conscious reason I like to put my fingers on the bottom of my backpack, like just sort of rest my hand there. Luckily enough I discovered a hole about three inches or so long and you know, hole in the bottom seam of a backpack wide sized. So I had to run up to my car to change bags. This upsets me greatly. I loved that backpack, and even though Ash is getting me a new one for Christmas, I'm still upset. Like a lot more upset than I should be. So I was freaking out the whole way to sign up for a meeting with my advisor/to the car that my backpack was just going to rip open from the bottom. And then I was thinking about how the hole stayed the same size until I noticed it. And once I started thinking about it constantly, it kept getting bigger and bigger. And when I say bigger I mean like now it's about 5 inches long.
So then I've gotten my heel stuck in the sidewalk cracks about 5 times. All when people were watching me. I just try to divert my eyes like I meant to momentarily freeze time and get myself stuck into the ground.
So I'm sitting in Politics and for some reason Skinner feels the need to give us a study guide for our quiz on Thursday that has 40 multiple choice study answers, of which we only need to know 15. And then there are about 20 pictures of which we need to know 6. Anyway. In order to get the answers to the study guide he thought it would be a good idea to go around the room and have us answer the questions. I was like well...ok this will be embarrassing seeing as how I've never seen any of these questions, I don't pay attention in class and I haven't read any of the chapters. But fortunately all of my panic and anxiety up until my number (I was like 28) had plenty of time to construct itself into an empire state building sized problem. But it was ok because I got my answer right. It was a very good guess. Not like it would have been a big deal if I got it wrong because I don't think anyone was paying attention to what people were saying.
So listen to Pierce The Veil on Myspace. I think I said this before. But the song "She Makes Dirty Words Sound Pretty" all of their other songs suck, except for "Beat It" but I think the fact that it's a Michael Jackson song, by virtue, can not suck.

So my dreams last night. The first one was pretty much Denise stalking this boy who in my dream was named Jake, but in actuality was this random kid that works in the Library and I have no idea what his name is. Anyway. Think about my street. Denise or I lived in the Uribe's house (aka the first white house on the right). And Jake lived in the yellow one story house between my house and the Uribe's where that guy hung himself. Anyway Denise was like really obsessed with this kid. And she made me sneak out of the house in the middle of the night to write his name with dead leaves in his front lawn. She had the whole burlap sack of leaves too. And I just stood there watching her put the leaves down. Then I was like "someones watching tv" so we ran away to the back of the "Uribe's" house but my parents were sitting outside and for some reason this actually scared us. And for some other reason I couldn't make up my mind whether I wanted to be on the right side of the house or the left side so in one of those moves you can only do in dreams where you just quickly glide/fly around. I pulled one of those about ten times, back and forth. The whole time listening to my parents talk and being scared that they would catch me out of the house... or something.

So then my second dream. Had something to do with a baseball game. But I can't really get into it. Because I have NO idea what it's supposed to mean and I don't want someone to read this and analyze it and say "Whoa, Kristen, your subconscious is fucked up". Because, like everyone else it is.

and then there is this quote from To the Lighthouse that I feel you should read:
"They stood there, isolated from the rest of the world. His immense self-pity, his demand for sympathy poured and spread itself in pools ar her feet, and all she did, miserable sinner that she was, was to draw her skirts a little closer around her ankles, lest she should get wet"

I'm not sure why I love it so much. I just remember reading it and going "yeahhh I like it." It just reminds me of Alex Mack. Or it's very real. Like we've all done it, well what I'm interpreting it as.

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