Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight

I think we need to examine the psychotic nature of my entire family.
First of all, my father finds it necessary to make an Excel spreadsheet of all of the food we need for Thanksgiving. He planned out every meal this week, down to the "snacks". He also has which store has this particular item and at what price. I'm not sure. My mom is getting into as well because I see her perfect cursive in the corner.
Ashleigh is a psychotic driver. Several other parts of her life as well. But driving. She has issues merging into bumper to bumper traffic. It's the only traffic I don't mind merging into. But for some reason Ash freaks out. Like freaks out. She contemplates whether or not she should get over for at least ten minutes before she actually does it. Then she'll put on her turn signal and we'll drive half a mile waiting for the opportune moment to break into the next lane. It never happens though. She'll come to a complete stop, and the person behind her in the next lane will wave to her to let her go, but this is not enough assurance for Ashleigh. I'm not sure what she needs. Then she freaks out about it for five minutes after she gets into the right lane. She also doesn't understand my need to break several feet early when a car is breaking in front of us. She is like my dad. They have this thing where they speed up when I feel that they should be breaking, causing me to freak out, then Ashleigh will scream at me. So I decided to read a book about a man who killed someone else, didn't really care, sat in jail and was sentenced to be decapitated, but never was. The book just ended with him sitting in his cell. I was only slightly disappointed.
But now I'm reading this other book about a retard. And we have so much in common. At first I was taken aback by the jump-aroundy nature of the first ten chapters, which were all marked by prime numbers, which also threw me off. But then I realized that I love this character. He's a lot like me. And then I realized I shouldn't say this because Christopher has "behavioral problems"...
He states them as follows:
A. Not talking to people for a long time.
B. Not eating or drinking anything for a long time.
C. Not liking being touched.
D. Screaming when I'm angry or confused.
E. Not liking being in really small places with other people.
F. Smashing things when I am angry or confused.
H. Not liking yellow or brown things and refusing to touch yellow things or brown things.
I. Refusing to use my toothbrush if anyone else has touched it.
J. Not eating food if different sorts of food are touching each other
K. Not noticing that people are angry with me.
L. Not smiling.
M. Saying things that other people think are rude.
N. Doing stupid things.
Q. Hitting other people.
P. Hating France.
Q. Driving Mother's car.
R. Getting cross when someone has moved the furniture.

OK so not all of these are anything like me. I enjoy most things yellow and brown. I don't have toothbrush issues and if I could drive a stick shift, I would drive my mother's car.
However, A, C, E, F, K, M, N, and R are things that happen in my life quite frequently. I HATE being touched, I don't like being in small spaces with people, I say really rude things without thinking about them, when I come home for breaks and my mom moved my furniture I pitch a fit for days. They should add "Have no life" and then this list would be perfect.

My Dad printed out huge pictures of me and Ashleigh from the wedding and posted them on the fridge. There is one of Ash, Alex and my Gram that is not particularly flattering. And it makes me laugh. I laughed for at least five minutes about it, actually. Ashleigh didn't appreciate this and she looked really upset. hhaha. They're funny. My dad said "oh they're beauuuutiful" in his awk voice that only he can use.
Psycho is surprisingly the only cat I have seen since I got home at 6:32.

I have the newest Mayday Parade CD. I'll give it to whoever wants it. Even though I bet everyone was holding out on me. I also got Punk Goes Acoustic 2. Since Acoustic versions of all songs are my favorite, then well, you know.

1 comment:

  1. omg omg omg lol ahahhahahaah i cant wait for a whole (almost) week of fun back at home with u, and i especially cant wait to see the pics on the fridge and the excel sheet lmao