Saturday, December 20, 2008

i will never believe in anything again

My family:
Mom- Germany. She likes to take over and control everything. Everything has to be up to her standards (see Hitler).
Dad- Austria-Hungary because it goes along with Germany. Or he's Italy, he changes sides with whoever is winning.
Ashleigh-France. Everyone likes to fight her and she always loses.
Lauren-Japan. Just joins in and does her own thing. Takes over shit for her own gain. No reasons to enter the war except that she's retarded.
Me- U.S. I have to deal with everyones shit and I'm expected to jump in.

Well that was our theory today while we were watching my mom spaz out about how she wants to have friends over but the house is too messy. I'm like "whoa Mom, the mess is yours". I love how we have these conversations while we're getting yelled at, but really mom, you can't be Germany forever. Look what happened to it. You can only blame your problems on the war for so long before it becomes the same old song.

Then when you drive with my Dad you have to really psyche yourself up and think of all the bad days so you can get in a depressed mood and want to kill yourself. Because stepping into the Pacifica is like putting yourself up for the death sentence; Death by lethal injection, death by hanging, death by Warren's driving. Really. Luckily we only counted 4 suicide attempts on the whole trip to get Lauren from the airport tonight. First of all, I get scared on the beltway or in traffic in general. But my dad has this obsession with speeding up if someone is trying to change lanes and get in front of us. Sane people usually slow down a little. Maybe I'm paranoid. Yes, I know I am, but I just enjoy being safe, is that too much to ask?
We were at "Chickofilay" and Ashleigh was talking about a card my Dad had sitting on the chair for some girls birthday that works in his office, twenty minutes later he figures out what she's talking about. And Ashleigh says "Are you going senile". That just made me laugh, along with the Amish with disabilities that came waltzing through the lobby to which Ashleigh said "the wonders of incest". I guess she was on fire tonight.
I was a little disappointed because we played "guess what outfit Lauren will be wearing" before we picked her up, and everyone lost. We thought she would be wearing a v-neck tshirt, jeans, peacoat and her gray running shoes because that's what she always wears but we forgot to take into account that it was 80 degrees in Tehas today. So we were all off, except for the jeans and peacoat. Because that is always on unless it's summer and she's wearing The Shorts.
On the way home we started up in a conversation that led to Hitler and my Dad giving us some of the most thought provoking answers like "he wanted everyone to have blue eyes and blonde hair". Who doesn't, Dad? I mean really?. Thank you for letting us know about that.

Ashleigh is bitching at me to go to Target with her. I mean, we went last night. I can only take so much Tarjay. But then again, can I fight that battle, dodge the bullets there, or get hit by grenades and nuclear bombs at my house? I have to decide which one is the better option.

And no one likes me, I might as well go eat some worms.
I had so many theories that I thought about as I tried to veer away from the typical reel of shit that happened in different scenes onto thought provoking goodness. And it was a lot of goodness. Now Ashleigh is breaking into my room. Like fuck, I need some time alone. If I don't get my thoughts down I become Violet Beauregard.

1 comment:

  1. ahahaah please do not become violet. i hate her.

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