Monday, December 22, 2008

you can plan a picnic but you can't predict the weather.


then the puppy love thing.

I have "Hurry, hurry. You put my head in such a flurry, flurry" stuck in my head.

I'm attempting to not listen to music for awhile (or at least til I get my ipod) so I can focus on more important matters, like God, for instance.
Clearly I went to confession tonight. I confessed my sins and sat and attempted to pray, but it didn't work out so well. I assume I can't go around telling you what my penance was, but thankfully it wasn't your typical "3 Hail Mary's and 4 Our Father's". Nevertheless, I spent the whole time thinking about the exact things that I had confessed ten seconds earlier. It was one of those typically dreaded face-to-face ordeals. I love them, though. Unlike most people. Ashleigh was so awkwardly nervous that she made me go in front of her. Pat went first and he missed the old man farting while we were standing in line, which, of course, was hard for me not to laugh myself. But I was like "I've had my fair share of almost fainting trying not to laugh type of laughs in church before" and there were only old people who probably have connections with God and would have had him smite me somehow. Anyway. We spent the whole ride there agonizing over what to say, which sins to confess and what have you. For some reason we like to debate what is a sin and what isn't. Kissing is a sin, if you didn't know. I had to confess reading books I shouldn't read. But really, what is the point of me confessing. I know I'm going to do it again. I don't want to. And I sort of try to stop but the things I do are mostly inherent. I can't help it. Saying things like 'fuck' and "goddamn it" are just ingrained in my brain and I can't stop it. I could stop reading books that go against Catholicism, but they're the only good ones. I love God, no doubt, and believe in him, I just. well. I shouldn't go into it.
Confessing your sins is always awkward in the first place. I want to know what people are doing. Like old people who go every week. I mean, how many sins can you commit in one week? I go like every 5 months usually, sometimes more. And I only take like 3 minutes, but these old people are in there confessing every last second of their days, like they have to get it all out or they will go insane with the guilt of not putting their hearing aide in when they should have. But I'm not an old person, so I don't know what sins they commit on a weekly basis. The priest told me I was good, well good for being in college. hhaah. thanks, sir. And I hate how even though the priest can never really know, God will always know. And God looks down on you and is like "you forgot something". Gah. I don't know. That's God for you. He's pretty spectacular, you know. There's a lot to him that I don't know. But ignorance IS bliss. Before I knew that missing mass was a mortal sin I lived my life like "oh, I can't really wake up right now. I'll just miss mass one week" and now I'm like "uhh, better get to mass no matter what". Not like that's a bad thing. It's probably a good thing that I go every week. I like going.
I'm not even sure where I'm going with all of this. I feel for you if you read the whole thing. You probably as bored as I am. I'm just chillin' in my bed listening to... you guessed it and writing this. I was on the internet but everyone left me, story of my life right.
I had this dream about Ashleigh the other night where she and this other boy were going to be sacrificed and have their throats slit and Denise was there and she was trying to find a way out of Ashleigh having to die. Ashleigh thanks you, Denise, by the way. We were all wearing long nightgowns like Thakery Binks' sister in Hocus Pocus. I'm not sure about that. But thankfully Ray J woke me up singing "sexy can I, just pardon my manners..." because, yes, that is my alarm. It doesn't need to be so violent anymore because waking up is not a priority. Well, I mean, it is. But it's not like I'm going to miss class if I don't wake up.
Oh, update. My GPA went up one tenth of a point. Hooray. Thank you Current Problems in International Politics. I wonder what I got on the final. Must have been pretty good. He graded those finals really fast, so I can only assume I did really well. Which is ironic because I did so sucky the rest of the semester.
The tables have turned. I really don't know how to deal with it.
I can't really deal with a lot of things, so when they happen to me I just repress them. It tends to make it more awkward for other people, but it's the only way I can cope with my existence. That sounded emo, but you knowwhatimean.okthat'senough.

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