Sunday, February 22, 2009

i've got the mic, you've got the mosh pit.

My inability to write is really starting to take a toll on my grades. In some classes you can just bullshit your way through papers that are worth 5 or 10 points but when you have a comparative book review of 3 books you can't find and don't have and got an 87% on the last one, it does not equal a good time. Oh, this is due on Tuesday. I was all "February 24th is so long away". Apparently it's not. And that just snuck up on me.
Well anyway I'm trying to find a subfield in the topic of "Anti-Feminism". And it's a lot harder than you think. Sometimes I can be a misogynist and I'm not even sure if that makes me Anti or just plain Feminist. I really am not for forgetting to shave our legs and dressing butch and all of that, but I am for the ERA and for some reason Anti-Feminists are not. I hail to the status quo and I don't understand why everything can't be equal. I'm against abortion and I think that being a housewife would be amazing and there should be nothing wrong with it and if you can't find fufillment in it then that's your problem You chose the life you lead and I can't really do anything about that. I read the Feminine Mystique and I just wanted to punch Betty in the face. I think it's your fault if you followed your mother into a boring life of housewifedry and you're really dumb if the only reason you went to college was to find a husband. So I think that those women, all they do is complain about their situation without really doing anything about it. I think the best thing to do is to just get a job and work your hardest to get to the top. Back in the day women would never bed CEO's or anything and I think that's just the way it was, I'm not saying you shouldn't fight for what you want. I don't really know what I'm saying.
Sorry to bore you with that little rift. I clearly have no idea what I'm writing this paper on...

I'm dumb and left my phone cord at home. So I'm sans cell phone at the moment. Not like anyone texts me. And I have the desire to play Mahjongg but I don't have it on my computer anymore and that's like a housewife without her kids. Home wasn't even fun. I get so flustered when we go shopping all day. And that's all we ever do. I can only handle being in stores while I'm shopping which doesn't take too long. But my mom will spend HOURS in one store and it drives me insane. You can only look at the same thing for so long.
I just hate home. It's not that I hate it, I just can't stand several aspects of it that make it less pleasurable than necessary. Like why do I do the things that I do?

Ok so my life at home at least is bound by three things. I won't explain them but all together they just make for a bad mood that alcohol can't erase. Not like I drown out my sorrows, it just makes it worse. My dad told me not to drink too much. Why he thought that was what we would be doing sort of offended me. Like my GRANDMA assumes that's what I'm doing every weekend when I don't go over there. Forgive me for having other interests. Sometimes I just wish that I could be everything that people expect of me. But then I'd be such a drug addicted, overdosed slut that I don't think I'd be able to handle it. And since I can't really perceive myself like everyone else does I really have NO idea how people make these assumptions about me. I rant so much. I had a dream I was a prostitute last night. Well not exactly, but that was the basic gist of it. Outside of Duquesne too. I really hope I wasn't talking in my sleep.... that's always a fear of mine when I have strange dreams.

Back to ranting. I really need to get a life. And I don't know why I hold on to certain aspects of things for so long. Why is everyone else so forgiving and I hold grudges like nobody's business. I mean thank you, TBS, "I'm sick of writing every song about you". That sounds so obsessive and creepy and I'm not even talking about what you might assume I'm talking about. But I don't know what you're thinking. Bahhh.

1 comment:

  1. i need to know more secrets....who are you thinking of that relates to tbs im sick of writing songs about you...hmmmmmmmm....

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