Friday, June 5, 2009

the summer is over and i doubt i'll be seeing you around.

I go to bed real early
Everybody thinks it's strange
I get up early in the morning
No matter how disappointed i was
With the day beforeIt feels new
I don't leave the house much
I don't like being around people
Makes me nervous and weird
I don't like going to shows either
It's better for me to stay home
Some might think it means i hate people
But that's not quite right
I do some stupid things
But my heart's in the right place
And this i know
I got a dog
I take him for a walk
And all the people like to say hello
I'm used to staring down at the sidewalk cracks
I'm learning how to say hello
Without too much trouble
-things the grandchildren should know ( Eels)

idk this song, when i heard it, i thought they wrote it about me. there's more to it but it changes about how he doesn't regret his life.

ok so i've been hating my life because that stupid bitch hit me and my life is all combobulated and everything. work sucks and i need to quit. last night was pointless. i'm traumatized and i can't drive anymore. i keep looking back thinking someone is going to hit me from behind. i'm going to hit the person in front of me now because i'm so focused on the person behind me. i trust myself, it's just all of those 18 year old Hispanic boys in dodge 1500 huge pick up trucks that i don't trust. and my plastic window is flappin' in the wind and all the shit in my back is going to get drenched when it starts to downpour very soon. i went into work and one person asked how i was and he thought the reason i wasn't there was because i was sick. that's why i can't stand that place. they're colder than i am. how difficult. it kills me to know that they won't even let me off for marissa's wedding. honestly. they're like "we're going to be short that day as it is" like i give a shit. you can deal with it. no one will be there. you thought that memorial day weekend would be busy. i wonder what they'll say if i actually give them my two weeks. that reminds me i need to get working on my new job that i'll never get. my life really sucks. and i know i say that a lot, but it does, you can't lie.
and now it's my fault that ash doesn't have a job because i didn't return her application because, oh, forgive me SOME FUCKING ASSHOLE JUST HIT ME AND I'M NOT REALLY ALL EXCITED TO DRIVE A CAR WITH A PLASTIC WINDOW ALL AROUND TOWN AND IT'S NOT MY FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY TO FIND YOU A GODDAMN JOB. OH AND I WON'T EXPECT YOU TO GET A FUCKING ATTITUDE WHEN SOMEONE CRASHES INTO YOUR CARR!
i'm not even going to respond. honestly though. i hate how unsympathetic everyone is. i know i'm making a big deal out of getting hit at about 30 miles an hour so i'm sore as fuck and i'm even more paranoid of driving than i was before. i'm such a baby and i'm sorry for being sore about getting hit. but if you didn't know, getting into an accident is my biggest fear. some people get panic attacks when they are on a ladder, i get that way when ever i'm almost in an accident. so how do you think i felt when i was actually in one? whatever. people never really notice anything.


you can blame all of your problems on me. :] whatever.

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