more like here i go again.
i need to stop with bret easton ellis i think that's his name.
we'd get married if i wasn't already marrying holden... in my mind that is.
i had the nicest dream last night. well not really but it went a little something like this:
so i was at this water park with kelly s ( i don't really know where she came from...but you know) and then the park closed at like 3 for some reason and i lost kelly. then i was like "shit, i have to work" (at the zoo) but for some reason i knew that i had quit already but i wasn't sure if i still had to work. so it's like 3 and i guess this water park was in pittsburgh because i felt the need to walk to the zoo. but for some reason i had to go through south side (which is no where near the zoo for you non-pittsburghers). and anyway i walked a long time through all of these tunnels and underpasses that don't really exist and then i ended up in this really big tunnel where some black lady was really upset. there was, for some reason, a bathroom in the tunnel where i met the black lady and her kids. so i was all "oh i'm working at the zoo tonight, you should totally come and i'll let you in for free". so apparently this tunnel is right next to the zoo, inside the zoo, in fact. and then this kid that i worked with comes up and goes "what are you doing here? you don't work here anymore" and i was like"i know, i'm confused. i didn't know if i was supposed to work tonight or not" and he said no but that i could just work members team and then it was really nice and then i either woke up or started another dream.
much like the one i had the night before where i was supposed to be alex delarge from a clockwork orange (from the movie, not exactly from the book. his last name isn't delarge haha it only is in the movie) anyway since that's not important. i was in this church play but i think it was taking place at LMS for some reason. even though i've never been inside or anything. but i was alex in this play. but the day of the play i still didn't have my costume ready. i only had the white pants and a white shirt. no suspenders or hat or cane or anything like that. so the fat boy that i was in this two person play with called me and was like "where are you? we're about to go on" so i don't know what else happened but i don't think our play ever went down.
i must be missing out on something. why can't i remember things while i'm me in my dreams. this has to mean something. i must be nervous maybe. but about what? absolutely nothing? maybe there is a void in my life that can't be filled because people are gay blockades. who knows. not really.
i have to leave for kiawah tomorrow morning. i'm excited to see lauren. ahah i know. i've been emailing her like every day so now we're bifs. i haven't seen her for more than five minutes since christmas. i've seen jamie more times than i've seen her. how sad is that? my own sister.