Monday, August 17, 2009

i watch you aloft way out of my reach.

so you know when you see something, like a mirage, one that you've seen way too many times before, and then you realize that it was probably just a soccer mom with a bad hair cut? yeah. i can't describe it but it makes me want to run around like a complete idiot trying to see it again. which i do, compliantly. one day i'll be 16. just hold your horses.

i hate how much reading makes you think about your own life. and i feel like right now is not the best time for me to be reading such a depressing book. all i want to do is hibernate in my bed and read it. but i can't do that because some people in this family don't understand the idea of wanting to be alone. they were not granted the loner gene that ube, alex, ane and i were. it sucks to always want to be alone. well not always, but usually the people i want to be with are not readily available. every five minutes i get barged in on. and when i'm trying to concentrate on "the airway" by owl city because it's the most beautiful song and its speaks to me right now, they always walk in on me. no one talks to me unless i'm doing one of three things: 1. listening to my pod 2. in the bathroom or 3. reading in my room with the door locked.
people never notice anything or understand anything. the concept of privacy.

oh it also annoys me when my mom or dad drives.
and the fact that we all have to grow up at some point and realise that our parents can't help us. they can't help us in anyway except to help bring us down. they don't have the means to make you feel better or help you. like today i got one of those phlegm balls in my throat and i told my mom like i expected her to reach in my throat and pull it out. she told me i was gross and she didn't want to know about it. neither do you, but here i am typing it.
i just need some dohreets and a bed for hours. this book is putting strange things into perspective. but so does living in smc. it helps me realise how lame i am. and it helps me to know i can't spell. is it realise or realize. grey or gray. why am i so dumb? i'm not sure. how is it 6:19 already? how did i think school started on the 28th? how am i a senior in college? why does my stomach hurt so much right now? these are questions that can be answered. why is dinner right now when i have so much to say?

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