so everyone is dying. i mean maybe they're really not. but for some reason i've been thinking about it a lot. like it doesn't really phase you when someone dies, you know? cause you don't expect people to die. but they do. and i should stop talking about this. i just read three books about death though. about young people dying and i've just been concerned. and for some reason this doesn't change the way i feel about people. it really should. but it doesn't.
i had some crazy ass dreams last night. a small black boy shot another small black boy. i got a massage by some scary woman in a mall (idk if this was reminicent of the time denise and i got massages by those creepy chinese men...) then i was in high school again and it was basically the school from Matilda, but there was a toilet in the front of the classroom. like front and center. that everyone used. and then i was in a class with jamie and for some reason we were the only ones who didn't take the math test and jamie wouldn't help me. like we were sitting next to each other and maybe i didn't know about the test and she did. i'm not sure. how rude, jamie. hahah kidding.
i know you don't care about my dreams but i find them fascinating.
i started reading this book and of course it's about a fucking lesbian. i don't know if i'm going to be able to finish it because a. i don't like them and b. i don't like when 14 year olds come out. and do drugs and think they are better than people because they're smart. that's my biggest pet peeve, i think. i really can't stand when people think they are better than people. i also can't stand when people get simple grammar wrong, but i can't spell or get complex shit down so who am i to talk. anyway. that was a rant. but you know when you just pretend that something didn't happen to make yourself feel better even though you know it happened? yeah. idk.
i just want to stay in school forever. or graduate and loaf around on the couch for the next 20 years until my parents die and i can take their house. except i'll have to pay back all their debt. and mine. so that'll take awhile.