Tuesday, September 29, 2009

she uses boys like bandages.

so when my cousin said "i don't know what i'm going to do when i wake up tomorrow and don't have to drive right to bock" he was completely right.
bock is the funeral home.
i'm used to waking up at 7, putting on some black garb and driving over there. it's funny how funerals make you closer to your family. mostly because you have to stand at the wake for four hours a day and then eating lunch with them between the two sessions and then they all come over afterwards. i just feel bad we weren't more upset. i was at the funeral when my cousin gave the eulogy.
and all of this is making me think about what my funeral is going to be like. and what it's going to be like when various people die and how they're going to die and how i'm going to act. what my family is going to do. all that jazz.

and i also realized that i'm completely jealous of my cousins. two of them are like ash, jobless, but they're not upset about it. bitter, yes, but they don't take it out on everyone and they're enjoying their situation. i want to have no responsibilities and just sit around all day and do nothing. that's why being a housewife is my dream job. i mean if you don't mop the floor on tuesday the world isn't going to end. but if i don't study then i'll get a bad grade.
and i sort of wish i didn't have school or a job so my life could be like my sim, liam, after he gets back from work. all he has to do is eat, read, fish, tend to the garden and talk to people. what a life. and his work day lasts about two seconds. i send him to work and the screen goes black and then comes back to normal and he has his 240 dollar paycheck for the day. what a life, really. i wish i could black out my day for 2 seconds and then the hard part of the day is over.
and then i'm like...i have about ten weeks of school left.
and then i have to student teach.
and then i'm done.
i'm not sure if i'm the only one going through this. i prob am. but it's terrible. i just want to rewind to 3rd grade and start all over so i don't ever have to grow up. or you could just pixelate me and turn me into a sim. either or.

1 comment:

  1. you are definitely not the only one! i live it everyday. the real world isn't as bad as i thought it would be, but i still wish i could be 8 sometimes.