Wednesday, April 28, 2010

pretty much for the phi's.

tonight was my last chapter meeting (for my sorority) and i cried so much. not because i was sad that i'm probably never going to see 95% of these women again, but because my mom doesn't love me. it was so nice seeing all of my senior sister's pictures of when they were younger...but no. my mom decides to wait til the last minute and didn't send my pictures until after 9 (which is when the meeting starts). but i guess they got her letter which made me cry a lot. my mom spun a lot of bull with that, but it was nice. and i cried the whole time. i hate when people see me cry.

but anyway, the whole way home i was getting teary because it's so odd to be done. it's so odd to not really be a phi anymore and it's so weird to know that in a few months everyone (except me) is going to be an outstanding teacher, nurses or whatever else we're going to be. the real world is RIGHT THERE. and i'm not crying because of that either. i don't even feel close with 95% of the women in my chapter and i'm not even sure if i can say that they changed me for the better (in a lot of ways, it was for the worse), but i can say that i have no idea what i'm going to do with out them on tuesdays. there will be no Dana to "head nod" with or tell me that i'm a bitch and i know she's telling the truth but in a good way. there will be no Celia to always be in a good mood and make me feel better because she's probably one of the most amazing people i've ever met and she can do/handle anything. she loves harry potter with me and she knows how much i love snape. i sort of wish that everyone i know could meet Celia because she is so caring and she believes in everyone. Celia always makes people feel like they're actually cool and have a good personality. Celia, you only deserve good things in your life! and Ally, who is odd, but still amazing. we both love she's the man even though we never watch it anymore. I love Ally's dedication to not drink and it's helped me to realize that drinking really isn't cool. they're both going to be outstanding teachers and their students will learn so much (unlike mine). Tina will still be in A phi, but mostly in spirit) i know that Tina is going to make it some day. she's a lot like me except she actually cares about the chapter and duquesne. I'm jealous i wasn't a part of Duq like Tina was. She not only made a mark on the chapter, but on Duq as a school. next year there will be no Madelyn to tell me i'm the most depressing person in her life. There will be no one to listen to Demi Lovato with and not feel like the biggest loser on the planet. I know Madelyn will make an amazing teacher as well when she finally gets there. and when she turns 21 i hope that we're all there to help her celebrate. even though she thinks i'm creepy with my numerous phone backgrounds (a picture of me with a small black girl, a picture of two of my professors on their wedding day, a picture of Marissa's baby)and she still thought it was cool (maybe). there will be no Steph to stumble around a frat house and open "private" doors and find the 7th Harry Potter book and become instant friends. hopefully there will be, but who knows where life is going to lead us. there will be no Steph to try and give life advice to even though i have no experience to go off. formal was really exciting...and it felt like a soap opera unfolding the whole time with you.

there was so much bad in the first year or so of this chapter, but i feel like, maybe just a little, that did make me stronger. even though no one else is, i'm proud of myself for sticking with it when so many people left me in the chapter. when other people dropped out (basically everyone i was really close with) i stayed in with the hopes that it would get better...and what do you know, it did. there were some moments that i was so proud to be a phi i can't even describe...but now, who knows what we're becoming. i do have the worst attitude in the world and while i hate everything, there are people in this chapter who make it worthwhile. so thanks, even though none of you except Celia will read this.

even though at times they unknowingly signed you up for shirts and made you pay for them when you only had 6 dollars in your bank account...no, i'll never forgive them for that.
even when certain people thought they were doing what was "best" for the chapter, but they weren't really...also, never going to forgive for that either.

but then i really don't care.
i think that i got out of it what i put into it and i like the outcome (for the most part).
i like the people that i've met and my pledge class- the amazing women that they have grown to be. i feel like we've been through a lot...whether it was as a chapter or not, but everyone has changed and i love that.

story: one time in sophomore year, i was sleeping on the top bunk of my bed and Lisa was on the bottom, Shannon comes pounding on my door screaming my name...never having been in this situation before, i had no idea what to do. so i opened the door and i sat in Shannon's room with her for three hours and let her cry on my lap. if you know me, imagine how awkward that was. i think that is as close to sisterhood as i can get. Shannon was, in my eyes, the best role model for the chapter. honestly better than anyone ever was or could be. this story might not put her in the best light, but she changed and became possibly the best woman in our chapter.

my little, Katie, will always be a role model for everyone too. she puts a lot of effort into recruitment. even though we weren't really close, i still felt that she was a great person. we both sucked at econ over the summer and she was and hopefully always will be there to complain about everything with me. i like that i can tell her anything with a negative connotation and she'll agree. that sounds really bad, but it's true.

and every time i hear Keeley sing the Bulter Song, i cry. just saying, you have an amazing voice and are an equally amazing person.

i might make a blog about all of my best friends now since i'm so sentimental.
who wants to be next?

1 comment:

  1. i just want to say that i listen to demi and so hello what am i chopped liver? grrr

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