Friday, September 17, 2010

i quit last december and i've never looked back.

So, I'm watching Say Yes to the Dress and it should be putting ideas of weddings in my head. In the very small chance that I do get married, I want it to be just like Jenifer Lopez's wedding to Massimo in The Wedding Planner. She got married in a court house. But being from an uber Catholic family, I have to get married in a church. I used to want a wedding just like Mandy Moore and Shane West in A Walk to Remember, but then I realized I don't want anyone there. Then comes the problem with my huge family. I have 27 cousins and all those aunts and uncles. I don't really have too many friends, so that's not that big of a problem. I really love weddings, just not for myself.

I also really can't stand some people. I hate when people try to say that they're better than me. I know I'm not cool, or whatever else you think, but ugh, stop pretending like you're the king of the world. Or the queen of the world.

I went into Lane Bryant today and they were nice to me! whoo. I guess this means I'm plus size. Oh, I already was, but now it's real. I have body dismorphia...I think I'm a lot smaller than I am. It's not a good thing.

My dreams lately:
A while back I had a really scary dream that I don't remember if I wrote about...So: I was driving through the Fort Pitt tunnels, well, right before I get into them and all of the sudden we stop and all of our cars disappear and all of the people are now sitting on luggage and we're on a moving sidewalk like at the airport. There is one guy in front of me and the guy in front of him pulls out a gun and has everyone line up along the side of the bridge/road before the tunnel. He started at the end shooting everyone in a line starting from the opposite end than me. Of course I woke up before he got to me. This dream apparently means that I know what my goals are...dream dictionary, what?
I'm standing in a church for some reason and up on the wall there was this painted mural of a blue bird and the bird comes to life and flies down and sits on the pew next to me and I knew it was about to say something and I didn't want it to be some religious conversation and I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it so I woke myself up. Yep, I'm controlling my dreams now. I told this dream to Alex and she goes "Wow. God was trying to give you a message and you shut him down". I didn't look this up so I have no idea what it means.
I was on a speedboat with my parents, Ashleigh and my Aunt Natalie. My Dad was driving and he was being reckless like he always is, and so I was getting mad at him. We were in this really pretty lagoon type place with different colored herons everywhere and the water was purple and turquoise. All of the sudden the water turned into a log-flume type ride and we went over this cliff and I guess I was the only one that didn't make it because I ended up in a McDonald's Play Place type area and while I was there I discovered this adorable baby girl. For some reason I was expected to take her home and care for her. I went up to an employee of this Play Place and she told me that if this baby's parents came, she would call me. Why I didn't go to the police is beyond me. Finding a baby in your dream means that you've acknowledged your hidden potential. Ironically, the night I had this dream I was a huge person. I made a mistake and I fixed it. I guess I have the potential to be mature. Beat that.

Ok, I guess that's enough for you.

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